My son was like "I got a D in my maths" and I was like "That's really bad" and my wife was like "You need to stop doing his homework."
Cloudy with a chance of violence.
Don't put all your "eggs in one basket" is tough advice to follow when you have only one egg.
Being an adult is just walking around wondering what you're forgetting.
I went to a gym so fancy they called it a James.
A yawn is just a silent scream for donuts.
Made it to that level of husband where I'm only getting 3 things at the store, but my wife still gives me a list.
Forgot to use a coupon my wife gave me. So now, I have to hide it like it's a dead body.
90% of being married is just shouting "What?" from various rooms.
Raul is one of those names where each letter sounds like it's trying to be in charge.