I'm not old. I'm chronologically gifted
At my age flowers scare me.
Always be yourself. Unless you can be quiet. Then be that.
Coffee makes some people crabby, like my co-worker when I took a sip of his.
To avoid a distracted driving ticket, always keep your hands on the wheel and text with your feet.
My anger management coach is mad at me.
Ask your doctor if a drug with 19 pages of side effects is right for you.
Stop at two is the best advice for having kids and having drinks.
Never agree to plastic surgery if the doctor's office is full of portraits by Picasso.
I won a fight with my wife once. We were arguing about how dumb I was.