Reprieve with Regret and Guilt

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by Ken Hornbeck

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O n a recon Walking rear security Women approached carrying rice basket on pole between them New (cherry) told them to stop Women drew guns and aimed Machine gunner pushed him (cherry) aside and fired Blood trail followed but could not not be found Patrol circled for having after action review Old timers' counseling the actions of the new guy Down on him for not shooting women No use in trying to keep us from being compromised In a pre-mission brief they didn't tell you to shoot a woman Asked me to do the job if it ever happed again Guy said he could do it if given another chance Had to get out - we had been compromised No chopper until next morning

Next morning same guy noticed a tracker up on ridge trailing us Came to ambush us- new guy got his chance, He shot the tracker but he wasn't completely dead when we reached him A guy from Georgia (SGT) stood over the body and finished him off with 18 rounds in the head The party started; time to choose what you wanted off the body Cherry who shot him got first choice, took NVA belt with star on it Some guys took sandels, foodbag, warm fish and rice; others took ears, and took photos Posing with the body I found and took a picture of his wife and kid out of his pocket-wouldn't be going home to them. The night before, the cherry felt bad because he didn't kill the women, he was criticized But the next day when he killed someone he got a three day pass at China beach and a chance to go to sniper school We got together in the rear for a beer, he said he felt small for screwing up, but when he got a kill on the next day, he got all the perks and still feels like shit Lose/Lose situation for him One day you are a fuck-up and the next you're a hero. Live with our guilt for what we wish we did or didn't do; or did but wish we hadn't. He lived both in less than day, He got a chance to make up for what he failed to do, When he did it, he became a hero, He told me, he carries the guilt of both.

Ken Hornbeck
Delta 1/501